Working From Home (Air Quotes)
The truth of it is, we are all doing the best we can as parents, and the current situation seems to highlight our victories and our failures more than we would have expected.
Words and illustration by Shawn Burgo
Has the current state of the world made you feel like you are absolutely killing it as a parent AND also like the worst parent in existence in equal parts? Yeah, me too.
The truth of it is, we are all doing the best we can as parents, and the current situation seems to highlight our victories and our failures more than we would have expected. It’s caused my wife and I to analyze the course of our day, how we parent, bathroom habits…you name it, we’re thinking about it. I thought I’d share some things that have stood out to my wife and I – and how we’re getting through this. We are all in this together.
It’s Happening to Them Too
Not sure about you, but for me it is very easy to get caught up in work or projects to try to bring in money, or activities to keep our kids busy. My wife can get to a similar spot. For us, it is easy to keep our focus on what we need to do to keep the household together and our plans for maintaining a feeling of normalcy. What we would sometimes forget (or at least I did) is that this is happening to our kids too. Our children are both under the age of four and they don’t necessarily appear to be all that aware of the changes in the world, or bothered by them. The truth is, their lives are disrupted as well, maybe even more so because they really have no control. Sometimes, we need to have a bit more patience than normal. We try to give as much reassurance as possible and let them know that no matter how odd things seem, we are there for them just like always. Maybe it seems like common sense, but it matters.
Maintain A Schedule
Once again, it may seem to be common sense, but maintaining a schedule for everyone is key. I believe most freelancers or people who commonly work from home are locked in, and everyone else can get up to speed pretty quickly. But kids have schedules to keep up too. During “normal” times, our children are at daycare during our working hours. Instead of managing our own schedules, we now need to map out the full day for both of our children and ourselves. This is not a complaint, mind you, just something that we need to be aware of.
Give Yourself A Break
My wife and I are not teachers and both need to work full time. We do our best to keep up with our children’s coursework (an amazing amount for two under four!), keep them active with projects, and we try to get them out in the fresh air consistently – but there are still times where Disney+ and Sesame Street are on more than we’d like. The reality is we do not get to do everything we’d like to do with them and there are moments and even entire days that feel like a fail. This is new to all of us and we are doing the best we can. Like in most other facets of life, we try to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. With no clear end in sight, there are going to be some bad days…epically bad. But there will also be some very good ones. For the moment, we really are all that we have…so sometimes we need to give ourselves a break.
Partnership
My wife and I have always approached our relationship as a partnership. This does not mean it is perfect or that there have not been disagreements or conflicts, but that is life. Interacting this way has been a life saver during this pandemic. We both have meetings to attend, projects to complete, in addition to needing to keep our kids from going stir crazy. Our schedules do not align perfectly and more often than not, a demand on our time from work is of equal importance. We decided to prioritize each other and our family, which is far easier said than done – but it’s a choice. Because of that choice, we are able to manage the workload and somehow survive to do it all again another day. We pick up the slack for each other when needed, give each other a break or a “time-out” when needed, and tend to find a way to laugh all the time. But whether it is a particularly bad day, or we are feeling like we are winning that day, the lines of communication are always open and we always value each other’s opinion. I know there is no way in the world that I (or our children) would be getting through all of this without her.
Enjoy This Moment In Time
Amidst all this madness, we find ourselves to be very fortunate. Among all the things we count ourselves lucky for is the time we are getting to spend with our kids. Normally we are away from them between eight to ten hours each workday. During non-COVID times (when were those?) we would sometimes keep them up later than perhaps we should to have a little extra time with them…but we miss a great deal. That is just the nature of the jobs we have and also the opportunities we are trying to provide for them. Now, we get that time with them…and we may never have this chance again. We are just enjoying the fact that at any moment, one of these small fries can run up because they want a hug, or to show off a drawing, or any number of these small moments. Of course there are times when they interrupt a work call or throw a tantrum at exactly the worst possible moment…but it is all worth it to have this time.
I’m not sure when I’ll be able to go back to the office for work and I am even less certain of when (or if) these kids will be going back to daycare. I am 100% going to miss my oldest singing the alphabet song and my youngest doing an impression of the Count right in the middle of a Zoom meeting.
Shawn Burgo
Husband, father, and occasional illustrator of things. Used to teach self-defense and fighting once upon a time. Still drinks way too much coffee.